dale

It’s been some time since I’ve posted on here, as I’ve been pondering on this one story for a few months now, and couldn’t bring myself to write on a lesser topic when this one is such an influence in everything I do, think and feel.

I was working at Quiksilver one day, greeting customers and asking about their day when this tall, slender woman wearing a beautiful earthy paisley dress walked in with what seemed to be her four children. The three eldest children were darting in every which direction, none by her side, chasing each other while she calmly browsed at our ladies section with one hand on her pram and one on our clothes racks.

I asked how her day was, and she said it’s been okay, and I mentioned I liked the product she had in her hand and that her sleeping baby was adorable. She agreed the product was great, even though she can’t right now, she wants to come back soon and try it on. With that she walked out of the store, and called her children, who seemed to appear from nowhere behind racks in different parts of the store and ran out after her.

I greeted the next customer and went back to my day.

After an hour or so, I look up to see this woman pushing her pram back into the store with a big smile on her face and say, “You convinced me!”

While helping her with her sizes, I asked whether she was on holidays, and she mentioned she was here from the Sunshine Coast for a couple of days and then heading down to Port Macquarie. To keep conversation flowing, I asked what she was heading down there for.

“I’m going to meet my sister and I don’t think we will be coming back. My husband wants a divorce and I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone else.”

Woah.

“Did you pack enough on your holiday for you and your children to be able to just move there?” I asked stunned.

“Yeah,” she replied, “I can always just come back and get the rest of their stuff later. Their dad works away, has been for the last 7 years, and he’s already moved out of the family home anyway. I’m not sure what will happen but I don’t think I can legally move the kids interstate if he puts up a fight. I don’t know what to do. I just want to be with my family, but my mum’s passed and my dad’s almost there – it’s only my sister left and we aren’t even that close.”

“Are you okay?” was naturally my next question.

“Yeah, I’ve put myself into counseling, to make sure I’m okay for the kids. They told me in counseling that you need to love yourself before you love anyone else. At the start, I thought it was all bull* but it all makes sense now.”

She turned to me and looked me right in the eye, “If you don’t love and respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?”

I just stood there, swimmers in one hand, hanger in the other, wide-eyed and like a sponge.

“They said when I’m feeling down, to literally lift my head up, puff my chest out and say, ‘I love myself’.”

With that we both laughed, and she continued on, “But it’s true, everything is actually okay, it’s hard but as long as I love myself, my kids will too.”

I could tell she was still so shaken up; she spoke so fast, and couldn’t wait to let it out.

“I’m sorry but after just being around the kids all the time I don’t really get anyone to talk to about it. And every time I look at them I just see him in them. I gave up my career because he wanted a family. Everything had to be planned, and I’m not like that at all. After our fourth child, who was unexpected, you’d think he’d be excited to have his first boy, but he flipped it. I think working away he’s gotten used to being single he hated being at home with his family.”

So here’s this woman standing in from of me, with four gorgeous little blonde sun-kissed kids, who have a father now basically gone and not by a freak accident or ill-health, but because he doesn’t particularly want them anymore.

As a mother of four, she can’t lock herself in her bedroom for days and eat ice cream, she just has to deal with the confusion, the broken heart and do whatever she can to hide it.

I know divorce isn’t the worst thing that can happen to someone, but I guess in time I just became so disconnected from things in life like this.

The last terrible event in my immediate family life was my parent’s divorce when I was 6, but that’s such a distant memory now. Since that, the smallest thing that has happened to me I’ve made into a big deal, like life is so unfair to me – that is until I met Bec.

I definitely think she over-shared, and on that day she could have simply said “I’m on holidays from the Sunny Coast,” and left it at that. And I would have gone back to my selfish life, where I think everyone is unfair and I’m so hard-done by.

I know everyone’s situations are relative, but having five people standing in front of me that this all directly affected, substantially affected me too. If she can stand tall in front of me with a smile on her face, having so many questions unanswered, so much confusion circling her, and so much pressure on her own character to stay strong, then I can everyday in every little inferior aspect of my life.

Bec is not the only person this has happened to, so many women, men and beautiful little kids are dealing with this (and so much worse) everyday and I’m concerned over a comparatively ridiculous issue, that shouldn’t even be an issue. Ever. Get a freaking grip…

For weeks after, my co-workers and I would cut each other off mid-complaint and would say, “Hey, have you met Bec?” reminding ourselves to take a deep breath, and remember we are insanely lucky to be alive and well and surrounded by love and friendship – and that’s what endures when the tangible doesn’t.

We are all just creations of everyone around us that have ever influenced us in any way. I am a little bit of my mum, dad, every one of my friends, and every random person that touches my heart. I know I still have a great deal of learning to do, and as a naturally strong-headed, high-strung person I have yet to reach maturity, but this woman and her 20 minutes of time has made me want to get there – and as they say, admitting is the first step!

I wish everyone could’ve met Bec that day so she could’ve inadvertently taught you that in hardship, just keep your head high, value yourself, life will go on and you will prevail.